I started yesterday with a pointless post, and I'm back, with a not-so-pointless post.
my heart is wondering. all over. there are many thoughts, emotions, places to wonder. yet, as I sit, on the back porch of a close friends house, alone, yet not alone, I see God all around me. I'm sitting, on the edge of a beautiful lake. the birds are talking, there are two golden retrievers coming and going from my side, the fish are jumping. the weather is perfect. God is here. there is peace.
I just got a note from a good friend, reminding me of God's goodness. regardless of the unknown's. regardless of the questions. regardless of the future. God sees me, right here, right now. He cares for me, He loves my heart. there is this deep rooted peace and rest in my spirit.
I'm in Juneau. the place I don't care too much for. yet, even here, there is peace. while being here brings many questions and a bit of angst because it reminds me of the winter and the pain, frustration and distraught feelings I had for nearly 3 months. it reminds me of things I don't care to be reminded of. still, its the past. there was good even in those moments. God uses these times to refine, to prune, to make us more into the image's He has created us to have.
I don't know what is next, I don't know how I will pay my mortgage, I don't know where I will live, or where I will find community. I don't know if I will be close to family or not. I don't know if I will walk through another dreaded Alaskan winter. I don't know if I will be in a "serious" relationship or not. I don't know if I will be in politics or not. I don't know many things.
but this I do know. my Father loves me. He has created me in His image. He has awesome things in store for me. He cares for me. He loves my heart. He loves what He sees. He knows my deepest, most intense longings. He knows me. He deeply, intimately knows me. He has created me with purpose, for a reason, with a design.
this I will cling to and its not-so-pointless.
4 responses:
thanks, Kris.
I like your blogs. :)
maybe you need to pick up the phone here and there
maybe you need to pick up the phone everynow and then
You need to come back and read your last post honey. I love you!!! Hang in there. God knows your address!!!
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