A day in the life of...

...the inner rumblings.

Friday, May 16, 2008

sometimes its too much...

who posted? Kristine |

sissy says I'm slacking and its time to post.

you know that phrase, "God never gives you more than you can handle?" I believe it. I really do. but sometimes, my head and my heart mis-fire with that belief.

its been an intense few weeks and I've decided its time to run away to the river for the weekend. and, after reading Carol's blog on her Thursday turned Monday, I am simply grateful I have the freedom to get in my car, drive two hours, and find a week cabin on the river, that has the best hammocks in the world, hanging on the porch, to curl up in, in my sleeping bag and just "be." (sister, I wish you could come with me!!!!!)

you see, between continuing to understand what being the deputy chief of staff to the lt. governor means, while he is being two men, with two hats, handling his current job as well as campaigning for a seat in congress...having my nearest and dearest kindred spirit, girlfriend be moved to another state, thousands of miles away...juggling singing on the worship team as many weekends as possible because I WANT to, but honestly don't have the time...traveling back and forth from Juneau to continue supervising and training my staff there...wanting time with my boss's daughters who I love dearly and not really getting it...processing, praying through and mulling the future...attempting in a hit or miss fashion, to stay in touch with my 'oh so busy' parents...working through some difficult relationships...and, planning a trip to DC for fun?!!! well. ok, maybe this doesn't fully capture the depth, the emotion, the drain, the details glaring me in the face, asking for answers...and, most of that just simply can't be put into words here...

anyway...that's the current, and that's all I got! :)

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Tuesday, May 06, 2008

full circle?

who posted? Kristine |

I guess I've been lax. or busy. one or the other. it seems its been non-stop since I got home and since the snow. Juneau needed to be visited once more, to train our new intern. the weather was nice, of course, after I've moved out?! but, I did enjoy it...and, since I've been back, there's a worship team to be joined with again, dinner's to be had, friends to send off, concerts to go to, friends to be comforted, grocery's to be purchased, campaign events to be attended...and, there you have the schedule.


today I was thinking in a lot of different directions. it didn't start off the best day, and honestly, not sure that much has changed besides the fact of being home in pj's and just relaxing. its the one night this week that I have nothing going on and so I'm relishing in that fact. some times life gets way too far ahead of me. I want a slow life. I want a garden and a cow. who knew?! I want to get my fingers dirty in the dirt, planting carrots and flowers with mom. I want to roll down a green, grassy hill with nieces and nephews. I want to take walks with Grandma around the kitchen to get her exercise. I want to 30 mph with dad down a windy, warm, Ohio road.

I had a few conversations around future, change, shifting, God moving. and, what was intended to be vulnerable sharing of the heart and what seems to be direction from God, but then questions that were asked and the direction the conversation went, left me doubting, questioning and with fear that I was somehow missing God.

how does this even happen? why? how can one person's questions and opinion throw me for such a loop? am I not confident enough in what I believe, in what I hear God saying to me to stand on my own two feet? yes. I am actually. they were good questions. they caused me to evaluate and then come back around to what I know as truth, to how God speaks to my heart, to the direction God is giving me...and to rest. I need to rest. I need to soak in the peace the Father has extended to me. I have come full circle.

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