I've come, I've gone, I've been, I've seen. I'm not even sure where to start other than that I don't like how many "I's" there are already in this blog. there are many question marks in my world, in my life, in my future. there are many unknowns, things I can't change, things that can't be controlled. and strangely, I'm really ok with it.
I would call myself a control freak in some ways. there always seems to need to be an element of control, of planning, of order in my life in order for me to be ok. I seem to think I need to be able to see a certain amount of feet in front of me. Jesus is changing this. I've lost some of that planning element, that understanding of what is coming, of how to plan.
during my time in Juneau, there was a period of breaking and submitting. God allowed me to see my need to release control of my circumstances, my job, my future and my plan. there was too much "my" in the way and it needed to be fully broken and released. there was pain, there was frustration, there was fear...and then there was peace, calm, trust and rest in my spirit.
since then, I don't know what is next. there is no clue as to where I should walk from here, of how to proceed, but there is peace.
my job could chance, my home situation could chance, my geography could change...my world could change. there are ways that I feel desperate for change, for growth, for some upheaval from my current state. and yet, I know that at the right time, the Father will do that, in HIS way, HIS time, HIS plan, with HIS PURPOSE. after all, is that not why I'm here in the first place?
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