A day in the life of...

on the plane today, I started back into a book by Eldredge that I've been slowly making my way through, "Walking with God." I love it. he speaks so much truth. he reminds us of ways we make agreements with lies that need to be renounced, and then how to make agreements with truth. today the focus was not trying so hard to make things happen. I identified with it and I wanted to share...

"I gave God permission, when we were driving back from the hospital on Labor Day weekend, to rebuild my personality based on His love. Right now I don't feel that its based on His love at all. It feels built upon Make it Happen.

Even though my hands are both in casts, making it hard to make things happen, its not impossible. I could miss this opportunity for transformation and just push through. But my soul needs healing here, in this. Even this morning, while praying and reading Scripture, flies were buzzing on the window, and I felt I should take a magazine and kill them. Take care of that. Like I could hit a moving object. I couldn't even hit a slug right now, but that doesn't occur to me. I ought to get those flies is but one of a hundred versions of Make it Happen.

Lord Jesus, have mercy. This is so deep in me. I hardly know what to do, what to say. Have mercy. Heal me here, in this. Heal me in your love...

...Jesus, I sanctify all of my gifts and all of my abilities to make it happen to you now. I bring them to you, Jesus, to serve you and not my godless approach to life. I ask that your love would heal that part of me that feels I must make it happen, that all things--especially my happiness--are up to me. I invite your love to come to this place and heal. And, Jesus, I repent of that part of me that needs to make things happen. I transfer my trust from my ability to make things happen to your love and goodness." --John Eldredge, Walking with God, pg. 102-104.